This year is already half-way through and I’ve been rather quiet online. I’ve not been travelling though. Currently, I’m busy with my temporary job while simultaneously applying for a permanent one.
Same time last year, I’ve been in the middle of writing my Master’s Thesis. I was full of hope for the future and looking forward to July 2017. Towards the end of my studies, I was so excited to start the next chapter in life. I’m still excited for the next chapter in life, but right now I’m in that ‘in-between’ state. I’m still looking for a permanent job and the longer it takes to find one, the more discouraging this job hunt becomes. For one, I’m longing to get a job where I can learn everything that is to learn about that particular job. I’m looking forward to contribute with my skills to a team of people that hopefully become new friends. So having to keep applying and staying positive after receiving one rejection after another is frustrating. I can understand why companies are unable to give precise reasons as to why you were not among their top candidates, but if I’d knew what my application lacked, I could try to improve it.
The job I have right now is related to a temporary event in my city so I can’t try to turn this one into a permanent one. Also, this current job is in many ways not what I’m looking for anyway. However, it pays the bills. This current job is in many ways the type of jobs I had before I decided to study. I thought that, if I do great during my studies, work hard and participate in extra-curricular activities, I’ll be able to find different kinds of jobs that I can call ‘a career’. My rational self knows that this is only a temporary solution, but I cannot help but be disappointed in myself. Now, at 30 I’m at a similar stage in life as a 22 year old. I guess I put too much pressure on myself.
The bottom line is, I’m once again at a crossroads in life where I need to stay patient until I’ve figured out where life will carry me next.
Now, just as 8 years ago, I’m so busy with figuring out who I am and where I’ll go next that my mind is too busy for creativity. How can put something down to paper when I don’t even know how to untangle the overgrown jungle that my mind has become? Once in a while, in a rare moment of creative clarity, I get an idea. So right now, all I’m doing is to collect those rare gems in the hopes that they don’t get lost in my sketchbooks and journals forever.
Because my mind is here and there and everywhere, I can’t make up my mind if I want to travel this year or not. Part of me longs to be back on the road, the rational self knows that it would be just a form of escapism. I need to stay present and figure things out where I am. Also, in my current state of impatience, I don’t think I could enjoy travelling. My mind would still be lost in the next job application or job interview.
Oh well, I feel like I’ve written already too much while not having explained anything at all.